The Anti-Mom

Gettin' Old Stinks

So I had to take a few weeks off from the sports due to a slightly hyper-extended knee.  Also I had exams, so for once the sports injury stars aligned with the test stars and I really didn't feel that angry about missing my sports. 

Last Friday at my Bob appointment he gave me the green light to wreck shop again...so I did tae kwon do Saturday, outdoor soccer Sunday and then indoor soccer last night.  The first two weren't no big deal...easy class and game.

Last night we played one of the most fun indoor games EVER.  The teams were both playing pretty well and were evenly matched.  I was feeling good...except for the bucket of blson goulash that I had eaten for dinner.  It felt like a fireball in my gut...but whatever.  Will I ever learn with the eating before the game?  No.  Safe to say.  It was a very competitive, fast paced game and everyone was firing on all cylinders.  We don't always get that for several reasons...old lady injuries, playing with subs because the core team ladies have schedule conflicts, general laziness...what have you.

I went into full-blow Becky spaz out mode and it felt SOOOO good.  Stealing balls, mixing it up with the ladies (aka. "pushing bitches around" - ACTIVATED!).  HOWEVER, here is a list of the injuries I sustained in this game.  We will travel in a superior ---> inferior direction down the body.  (new fancy anatomy terminology that I have learned):

1.  A totally wrecked right hand and wrist.  I know...that's a big fat WTF for soccer.  This chick and I were both crossing the middle and ran into each other unintentionally.  My hand + her ribcage + some decent velocity = totally smushed fingers and wrist.  It feels like my hand went through a meat grinder today. On the bright side, if my hand didn't take the blow, we might have knocked heads. 

2.  At some point while I was in the "crease" trying to clean up the garbage, I caught an elbow to the gut.  This made me suck wind for a minute, but there was a scoring chance, so it went largely unnoticed until today...sore abs.

3.  Total return of Patty-ass on the RHS (high hammy pull).  I did a lot of quick burst sprints and footwork against the shiftier girls on the other team...maybe not the best idea after 3 weeks off.  But...those young chicks WILL NOT beat me...I tell you!

4.  Achy left knee (the hyper-extended one).  Which I am supposed to ice after sports per Bob.  But it was 11:45 pm when I got settled in here back at camp.  Sorry...ice and me don't get along after 9pm. 

5.  HUGE bruise emerging on my right calf.  Some girl ran up my back and pretty much stepped on my leg while I was running.  If you can picture that.

6.  Stiff ankle.  Turned my left ankle rubbin' shoulders in the goal box, and trying to shoot from some ridiculous angle.  Girl pushing on you + resulting torque + artificial turf + regular soccer cleats = no bueno.  But that got walked off too.  Just some pain and swelling...nothing left to damage in there, really.

7.  Tore open the "healed" blister on my right achilles tendon.

8. Totally wrecked left big toe.  I have no idea on this one.  It just started hurting in the middle of the night.  I am wondering if I will be able to go to TKD tomorrow.  Prolly just tape it up.

So basically I need a walker to get around today, and this is the "getting old stinks" part, BUT:

Scoring the game-winning goal with 20 seconds left on the clock on a ridiculous left footed kick with the ball about waist-high in mid air, and a bad angle with the goalie rushing me and a girl on my left hip...PRICELESS.  Totally worth every ache and pain.  You'd think I just threw the winning Superbowl pass...still pumped about it! 

Oh Yeah..

And I ran today...probably around 4 miles.  Decided my running goal is to be able to run around the entire reservoir by the end of the summer.  It's probably 7-8 miles round trip.  This thing is no joke (well to me).  Just in my little out/back deal I probably do about 500-600 vertical feet of climbing. 

I wore my new Pearl Izumi knickers (I got the all black ones, not these lime green things) THIS.  I was worried they wouldn't stay up and I'd be yanking at them like I do with my full tights, but they're awesome.  They have a zipper thing on the butt to put your car key in.  It says it fits two Gu packets, but I don't ever run far enough to warrant carrying a Gu or beans or anything like that.  I think I'll wear them all the time when I run, then I don't have to worry about my ass hanging out of running shorts.  I don't ever like to go when it's hot out anyway.

All systems go!  Patty ass made itself known but was/is fine.  Calf was fine.  Lungs were crack-a-lackin'.  (yes, that's a quote from the Zebra in Madagascar the movie.  I also like the opposite.."lackin' in the crackin'")   To bad we're leaving in a few days for the lowlands.  I hate the humidity, so I don't see myself doing too much running in OH/MI.

In other news, I'm trying to drum up something fun to do the day I have to dick around in NC while Chad has his last day of class.  Ironically, Mount Mitchell, the highest peak East of the Mississippi, happens to be in Asheville, NC, just a 3.5 hour drive away from Chapel Hill.  It would be just like me heading out to do, say, Mount Elbert from here...Leave at 2am, start hiking at dawn, be back for dinner.  It's something like 11 miles and 3,800 elevation gain.  No problemo!  I just might be nuts enough to do it.  My only concern is having to drive back through Greensborough at/around rush hour. 

Hot Diggety Dog...

Operation Pikes peak is a go.  We have it all set up for next Thurs/Friday!  Snow conditions are supposed to be solid, at least right now...And we have kid watching all lined up. 

We were both very excited to get it arranged, which was immediately followed by the thought,  "oh crap, neither one of us is in very good shape right now".   

My response to that:  What's the best way to train for mountain climbing?  Let me think - Mountain climbing. 

The second thought is then:  the slight issue of having a torn calf muscle. 

My response to that:  What torn calf muscle are you referring to? 

I know, I'm so ironic and witty that you can barely read this without peeing your pants.  I pee my pants here all the time laughing at myself.  Why do you think we have a plastic cushion on my desk chair?  Of course part of that could be that I am clinically insane from pretty much only ever talking to myself...we'll just have to overlook that technicality. 

My response to this:  THIS and THIS

I'm a Cool Kid now.

Got my grubby little man-hands on an iPhone today.  I love it.  I will sleep with it under my pillow and it will whisper sweet 1/0 nothings into my ear....and cause brain tumors...ah well, it's the price you must pay to be up to date.

Planning an ascent of the Y-couloir on Pikes in the next few weeks.  (Red route on this pic)

This will entail a night-before hike up to Barr Camp, about 5 miles.  probably arriving in the dark. Then get up in the wee hours and start hiking toward "bottomless pit" which is at the base of the north face couloirs and about 3 miles off trail.  Then roughly 2500 vert of snow climbing, say whoop de doo at the top, then walk out 12 miles down the tard trail, 5 of that with our camping gear on our backs.  Should be a good warm up for our first mtn of the year.  HA!  One small consolation, I bought an ultralight North Face Dyad tent this winter on steep and cheap...it barely is big enough for two people, and it's single-walled so it will get a lot of condensation, but it only weighs 3 lbs! So it is totally hired for this trip!

If you're wondering about leg, well, it's on the body part shit list and is just being ignored.  Bob was not excited about my new treatment protocol, but that's the way it is and he's going to have to work within those constraints.  Ignore it, it will go away faster.  Bob said the tear isn't as bad as the other TWO, so I should be ok for the hike.  Not like that was going to stop me anyway.  I said my goodbyes to my soccer ladies the other night when I popped it again.  No more soccer this summer.  I can't afford another setback, LEST I PERISH IN ANGUISH AND ENNUI...

Here's my best impression of me in my game tonight.

Feeling good.  Running around, dribbling past people, shoots from a really low angle and doesn't think it has a chance in hell - SCORES! 

Feeling good.  Have about 10 more shots on goal.  Being careful.  Oooops.  Because I was being careful they just got a break away and scored a goal.  Oooops.

It's halftime, I'm still feeling good, going back in so I don't get stiff.  Oh look, I had better go get that ball real quick like...if I get it, it will be a break away scoring chance...yeah, got it...RrrrrRIP...FUCK!

Good night.  I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now.  Don't worry, it won't last too long because I will be getting up at 6am with the kids...getting up...ha.  I might have to go down the stairs on my butt in the morning.

 

LLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGG

Going inSANE.  Day by day.

Bob has banned all sports for another week.  I don't think he believes me that I was playing nice when I re-tore my leg.  I think he's been reading - or it could have just been brought up since I was talking about climbing again.  I got a lecture on the merit of the rules and was informed that I am naive about how things work.  I guess I am...I will admit defeat in this area, but that's not going to change things. (What's up Bob? Yes, I'm talking about you again.)  Don't dig the dad bit so much, since he would be 9 when I was born.  But that's what I get...I need the more conservative and rational people to remind me that I'm impulsive and stupid.  I know he's trying to protect me so I guess it's sorta cute, can't get mad about it.

To make things worse, O chem final on Monday.  I am so sick of this subject that I need a 74 to keep my A and I'm just about worried that I won't get that...but I don't care quite enough to be worried at this point.  Tuesday is going to be the happiest Tuesday of my life, I think...I'll be free...until August anyway.  So not only am I a caged animal, but there's this boring chemistry book in the cage that I'm being forced to read every waking moment.  sheesh.

There is a link on top of this page from the blog service saying "need exciting new blog topics?"  Huh?  Why would you go in search of crap to talk about?  If you can't think of anything you want to say, then why write a post at all?  That's when you join twitter and post one sentence at a time of the boring things that are happening to you in real time.  "I just ate lunch - yay me" or "There's a dump truck full of tard sauce driving in front of me"  I almost joined twitter when I heard Trent Reznor and Chris Cornell use it...but then I didn't because I know Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore like it... meh.  Battle of twitter Eros vs. Ethos there...

Chad is at the Taj Mahal today, yet did not find it necessary to bring one of our cameras with him on the trip.  Interesting choice poo, interesting choice...

I just realized I've never really been able to call my husband a tard, except when in reference to his left handed skillz...what fun is that? Maybe it's because he's 98% perfect...that's a little annoying.  He used to be a writing tard, but this MBA program has fixed that.  He was forced to start mass quantities of output...it used to take him a whole day to write an email.  It's pretty hard to be tard de-classified.  I mean, so you have a mildly useless left side...that's not too bad of a worst trait...OH!  He brakes too late when driving and I always think we're going to crash...there...minor tard driving there.  Maybe that bumps him down to about 97%. Ah I feel better now.  Cause clearly I'm a solid 98%.